I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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