if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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