pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
