Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
