the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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