I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
