I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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