I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
