You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
