That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
