i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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