I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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