id be glad to
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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