Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
