Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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