He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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