She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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