And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
