i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
