Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
