Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
