You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
