FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
