my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
