so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize