Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I intend to get homeless drunk
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
