I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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