I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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