Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
