is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
