We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
