I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
