Whod you bang
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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