Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
