spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
this beer tastes like vomit already
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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