Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
