that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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