Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
