You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize