this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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