sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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