i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
