She's JV to your varsity
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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