im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
