Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
