THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
