Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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