we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
