Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
