I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
