Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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