You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
