I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is classic penis vs brain.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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