You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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