Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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