I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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