all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
