I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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