Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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