How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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