a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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