you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
