my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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