it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
