I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
