just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
