Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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