I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
