I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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