We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's shark week go big or go home
I want a musical about memes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
