I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
