hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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