The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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