why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
