What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
