nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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