I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
did you just send me my own nude
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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