Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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