Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
