He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize