I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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