Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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