I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's the barista slut.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
