Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You really coming over, don't trick.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
