i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
