So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
