i just google imaged poop.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
