Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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