then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
