do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
