I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Damn victory sex feels great
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
