I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
