Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
