Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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