So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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